T[w]ogether: Broken Community

I originally wrote this as a small group discussion, but I have altered the formatting slightly to be more blog-friendly.  It was used in November 2010 for the Community Groups of The Refuge on Hilton Head Island, SC.  I hope you enjoy…

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT

Hurt and disappointment can rob us of genuine community in our lives.  Given enough time and opportunity, eventually everyone will let us down.  After all, we’re all fallen creatures.  But what happens when we’re the ones doing the hurting?  What happens when we realize that we aren’t the victim but rather the culprit?  Is there a way to avoid marring our relationships and scarring those who trust us with their hearts?!  Or better yet, is there a way to repair the damage that we’ve inflicted in the lives of others simply because of our own frailty and brokenness?!  Can broken community ever be truly mended?

Do you think you’ve been on the giving or the receiving end of the majority of the hurt in your past and current relationships?

Peter understood what it meant to be the ripple of dysfunction in an otherwise healthy relationship.  His denial of Jesus is probably one of the most famous acts of betrayal in human history.  Not only was it incredibly disloyal, but it was also devastatingly untimely, as it occurred during Jesus’ darkest hours on earth!  Fortunately for Peter, Jesus didn’t wait on him to seek out reconciliation; on the contrary, He sought Peter out, intent on restoring their relationship without regard to the suffering He had endured at the hands of one of His closest friends.  But what happens when the person we’ve hurt doesn’t seek out reconciliation?  What should we do when we’re responsible for the break in community and the ball is in our court?

Read Matthew 5:21-26 NLT:

21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. 23 So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. 25 “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. 26 And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.

Some noteworthy highlights…

Jesus says that committing murder and getting angry with someone both make us subject to judgment (v. 22). Note that he didn’t say that getting angry would necessarily lead to judgment, but clearly He was teaching that it could and should be handled with great care!

Jesus says that calling someone an idiot puts you in danger of being brought before the court and cursing him/her puts you in danger of the fires of hell (v. 22).

Jesus doesn’t say that the person who has something against someone else should leave their sacrifice at the altar and seek reconciliation with the person with whom they are angry; rather, He says that the person who knows that someone else has something against him/her should leave his/her sacrifice at the altar and seek to be reconciled with that person before offering their sacrifice to God (vv. 23-24)!

Jesus says that we should settle our differences quickly because our accusers may hand us over to a judge, who will turn us over to an officer, who will throw us into prison until we’ve paid our debt in full (vv. 25-26).

When columnists and talk show hosts do it, we accuse them of being ratings-whores.  Yet Jesus wasn’t at all shy about using extreme analogies, equating the potential consequences of murder with the potential consequences of anger.  We know that He wasn’t trying to land a book deal or garner more advertising revenue; so why do you think He resorted to such sensationalism?

Sometimes it takes something shocking to get our attention.  Jesus knew that murder was one of the “biggies,” one of those horrific sins that was universally accepted as being particularly heinous, evil, and worthy of punishment.  By comparing the consequences of murder with the consequences of anger, Jesus was being frank about the potentially devastating effects of broken community in our lives.

The Greek word for court in verse 23 is synedrion, the same word used to describe the Jewish High Council, the Sanhedrin.  The Sanhedrin consisted of two major factions, the Pharisees and the Sadducees [SAD ju sees], and included the chief priests, the elders, and the scribes.  These men had the power to excommunicate and even condemn to death any Jew not abiding by their traditions (though the Romans didn’t always allow them to carry out capital punishment).  If you’re honest, you’d probably admit that the punishment of a public trial didn’t seem to fit the crime of name-calling.  Likewise, on the surface cursing someone wouldn’t seem to warrant the threat of Hell.  So what can we infer regarding the potentially devastating consequences of our words on Biblical community?

Jesus implies that the deeper the break in community, the greater the potential for disaster.  Anger, He says, can lead to judgment, name-calling to a court date, and cursing someone to Hell.  Each step represents an escalation in action followed by an escalation in potential consequences.  Our anger can cause us to become the guilty party, no matter what someone else has done to us; that’s judgment!  With our own critical words, we can literally excommunicate ourselves from the church by destroying Biblical community; that’s “the court.”  And when we curse others, we judge and condemn them, literally driving a wedge between us and God; and that’s Hell!  Be careful!  Biblical community is very fragile!

The Greek word for sacrifice in verse 24 (doron) literally means a gift or present.  Why do you think Jesus said we should seek to restore Biblical community with the people we’ve offended before we attempt to be reconciled with God?

Gifts were offered to God at the altar for two main reasons: as an offering of worship and as a sacrifice for the atonement of sins.  Jesus made it clear that our relationship with Him hinges on our relationships with other people.  If community with others is broken in our lives, then our communion with Him is incomplete…and so is our worship!  If we’re not reconciled with the people He has placed in our lives, then we’re not fully reconciled with Him, either!  God takes broken community very seriously!

Sometimes people have something against us for good reason.  Other times, they don’t.  Should our culpability (whether or not we’ve done something wrong) affect the way we handle broken community in our lives?

Jesus didn’t tell us to be reconciled with our brother only when it’s our fault.  His instructions were clear: if someone has something against you, do everything in your power to make it right.  Even when we’re not responsible for the conflict in our relationships, Jesus put the responsibility for reconciliation squarely on our shoulders.  And if we fail to take that responsibility seriously, the consequences of broken community will manifest themselves in our lives one way or another, even if we weren’t at fault initially!  We might be judged by others, we might excommunicate ourselves from the community of faith, or we might allow the Devil to drive a wedge in our relationship with God!

Be careful.  It can be so easy to see the pain inflicted on us by others and yet so difficult to see the pain we inflict on them!  We’re so quick to point out the splinter in the eye of our neighbor while the beam coming from our own eye stretches even farther than our own outstretched finger!  So what should we do?  Put down the gift!  Get up from the altar!  And go make things right, no matter who’s at fault!  Community is hanging in the balance!

Think of a time when your actions in a relationship damaged or destroyed Biblical community.  What would you do differently if you had it to do over again?

When someone has something against you (warranted or not), is it harder for you to seek reconciliation when you really are the one to blame or when you’re actually not the one to blame?

Is there someone in your life who has something against you?  What practical step will you take within the next 24 hours to restore the broken community of that relationship?

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